Even though we ain't got money. I'm so in love with ya honey. And every thing will bring a chain of love. And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes, And tell me everything is gonna be alright.... Gotta love a little Kenny Loggins. I'm conflicted as usual. I just watched a show on TLC about a little girl with progeria? The disease that makes one age much faster than normal. Why am I sitting here crying and obsessign over this little girl? It is so disturbing to me.

I'm at a loss for words. Karson has a physical today and I'm not looking forward to it. Sick to my stomach.

Avoiding

Well now is the time to backtrack. Karson had a seizure last night, and well this is her third since I took her off her medication. My stomach fills with vomit as I look at her. So tired and lifeless. So hard to hold on to the truth I know..... So hard not to play the blame game which I am quite good at. If I assume everything is my fault then I can handle the outcome. Right? No!!!!! So, two spring breaks ago, Karson had her first seizure. I was home alone after school with all four kiddos. There were leftover cinnamon rolls and she was standing at the bar filling her plate. We were gettig ready to head back to the car because she had tutoring at four. So, she heats up the roll and I notice that something is off. The only thing I knew to watch for was aortic anurism. She started eating then fell into the wall, completly unresponsive. I moved her to the couch and called Matt. Her eyes rolled back into her head and I started screaming! Poor Kinley, way too much to ask of this baby to gather up all three kids and get them in the car. But not to my surprize she was right on. Karson was unresponsive and I just kept laying my head to her chest to see if I could hear a heart beat, while at the same time screaming "don't die on me" Have to stop right here because we are having a serious storm. More next post

Jealous

So, my husband of almost eleven years has never been the jealous type. Last October, I reconnected with an old friend from HIGH SCHOOL mind you and it sent him in a tail spin. It makes me laugh honestly. Like anyone would actually be interested in THE BAGGAGE THAT I WOULD BRING TO A RELATIONSHIP. Yes, every man would love to assume four children and all the bullshit that goes with having a family. Ha! So, tonight my good friend was on the news and once again I watched the red faced hubby go nuts. He said "Is that Him"? Like he is just seeing him for the first time. What a freak!

?

so as the day goes on, the more and more angry I am. i am teaching today so that is not really an appropriate attitude to have. i am angry at my sister, i am angry at my father. i definitly have some MAJOR SHIT to deal with....

My sister?

So the official diagnosis has come in. DPD, dependent personality disorder. Ok, so a little back track. My sister the middle child has some serious shit going on. She has spent the last two years with an extremely busy schedule of doctor shopping. AKA-drug seeking. In and out of rehab she finally decided she would make an attempt to be done with it all. So, 150 valium later she is still here and has spent the last eleven weeks at a treatment facility in TN. Which leads to the diagnosis drumroll............ DPD. I don't know how I feel about this yet. Bullshit, Bullshit is all that is running through my head. I will do my research on this personality disorder and post more later. Deep breaths Kristy 1,2,3,4.....

Old Friend

So, today I met up with an old friend for lunch. Hard to put into words how I am feeling right now, but I will try. I was nervous driving, not really sure why-just general anxiety I guess. But as soon as I hit the door, that same familur grin sent the anxiety running. When you have a friend from the past that you know has experienced the same sort of life experiences you have, it is always neat to be able to reconnect. Her eyes tell of the same pain I have. The same but different, purposed and grounded. Just like I remember. I am so glad that I have taken that book back off the shelf, dusted it off and feel like we are about to start a new chapter. It was so great to see you Stefne!